'I have two styles of acting.  With and without horse.'  Robert Mitchum. 

Look up his quotes.  They are the best.

Todays post.  In a word.  Mates.  Whatever form they come in.  Older, younger, blood related and non.  It's what ensures that we never face anything truly alone.  Merry Christmas.

I read this the other day by Giles Fraser.  'There isn't a scientific explanation for God.  I believe that God is love and love is the most powerful thing in the universe.  Whatever happens, however bad things seem, love is always there.'  I like this.

Went to Slimming World the other day.  Not too bad.  No one screaming at me 'oh man, she fat cos she love de cake'!  But.... and there's always a but.  As soon as someone tries to 'educate' me about eating', I want to rebel.  On a grand scale.  The leader even told me that she could tell that I was going to rebel against her.  Me?!  But it is true.  I'm already thinking of a way out and I haven't even started.  Is it possible that the reason behind this, is that throughout my life, I have had so many people telling me what to do, that as soon as a diet tells me 'you can't', I react with 'oh yes, I bloody well can'.  Just a thought.

On the subject of interiors, 2 things which hopefully will make my life a helluva lot easier next year.  Two self-imposed bans.  Firstly, no drilling of any kind on walls and secondly, castors on all pieces of furniture.  As 2012 draws to an end, I have concluded, with my pre-disposition for re-arranging anything on a wall, ceiling or floor, I can only be trusted with blue tack or poster tabs.  If the husband is required to fill any more holes, I fear I may be given my marching orders or a written warning at the very least.  And the castors?  For moving everything around with ease of course!  My Dad used to say 'if it aint glued or nailed down, Su will either move it or dump it'.  Oh Dad.  That was never gonna stop me!

Today belongs to my father.  I was trying to teach my daughter how to waltz and completely broke down when I couldn't remember some of the steps.  My dad loved dancing and this was always his favourite.  I always assumed that he would be the one to teach her how to dance, like he did me.  The stuff I miss about my parents staggers me.

When I tried to explains Alzheimers to my young son all those years ago, I told him to imagine that Yiayia was like a photo album, only the photos in it were slowly starting to disappear.  I still think of that now.

Been thinking alot about my mum recently.  Think it's because of Christmas looming.  It seems that the slightest thing can set me off.  Carols.  Sainsburys.  Decorations.  I realised that my memories of her can be triggered by the slightest thing and that no physical thing of hers, makes me feel as close to her as my memories do.  Maybe that's one of the reasons that I don't overly value possessions in the way that I do emotions and actions. 

The tree is up.  It is decorated.  It is freaking huge.  The Christmas tree is yet another example where our parents got it right and we get it so wrong.  Parents.  Bought fake tree.  Decorated.  Shoved into attic after festivities, only to be resurrected the year after.  Only stress, untangling fairy lights and trying to figure out which bulb was the problem.  Us.  Every year.  The search for the real tree.  Getting it home.  Getting it into the house.  Keeping it upright and not blinding any children in the process.  Untangling the fairy lights.  Decorating it.  Thinking 'why oh why is the decorating experience' not like the one in the movies?  Stress levels.  Through the roof!  Yet we still do it the year after.  And the one after that and before anyone says 'yeah but there's nothing like the smell of a real tree', real trees haven't smelt since we started buying the bushy ones because the spiky ones shed so dreadfully.  By the way.  I have a real tree.  Getting through the whole shebang?  Either the husband and I were divorcing or the kids were divorcing us!

How many times on any given day do we hear women around us say 'I really shouldn't', with regards to food?  'I've been really good/bad today'.  'I really want the burger but I'm having the salad.'  How often do we hear men say 'this ice-cream is going to go straight to my hips'?.  Hardly ever.  I am not advocating over-eating but listen up women.  We have appetites, we get hungry and we need to eat.  End of.  And my biggest bug-bear.  What you choose to eat or not eat does not make you a good or bad person.  Food is not a moral issue.

Just leafing through a magazine, as you do and am astounded by the current L'Oreal ad for mascara, featuring Eva Longoria.  Now if ever there was a woman who didn't need digitally enhancing, it's Eva, so why in heaven's name do they do it to the point where she no longer resembles a human.  Ad agencies surely don't think we look at the ads and think that that is what their product is going to make us look like,.  You know we do have the brain capacity to accept that it can just make us look like a better version of ourselves.  Believe it or not you guys, we don't really aspire to look like aliens and by the way, I take the sickening  'cos you're worth it' to actually mean 'cos lining our  pockets is'.

My son started Year 7 at school in September.  He has had 4 days off sick in total.  I received a call from his school telling me that his attendance had fallen to 95% and they were 'concerned' as it was a 'learning school'.  Was seriously tempted to say 'as opposed to a what', or on a snarkier note, 'I wasn't aware that there was another type of school'.  In the 70s, my mum would keep me home if I was remotely unwell without batting an eyelid because she considered home to be where an unwell child belonged.  Guys, we need to seriously fucking chill out.

The Bowerbird is an Australian bird whose courtship ritual is to build a home from beautiful objects.  This is so lovely.

If I have to see that perfume advert with Scarlett Johansson one more time, I am going to seriously vomit and not just a bit.  'Oh, I'm not looking for a million things.'  Aaaaargh.  Jeez.  She recently said 'you work hard making independent films for 14 years then you get voted best breasts'.  Er, Scarlett, might this possibly be because you make inane ads?  It's a toss up between this and that dreadful Chanel advert of old with Nicole Kidman when she says 'I love to dance'.  What is it about perfume ads and actresses?  Charlize Theron, Keira Knightley, Gawd.  Bring back models I say and make it pretty damned fast. 

Regrets, I've had a few.  Are there people in life who really don't have any at all?  I do strive to not have any but I think that may be unachievable, unrealistic and perhaps abnormal.  What do you  think?

Are some people naturally flirtatious or do they become so over time because they know that they are attractive to people?

Putting myself out there today.  I love Facebook but there is something people post on it that I don't understand.  When people say 'I am at Brent Cross,  Bluewater, Buckingham Palace etc', why do they?  Why do we need to know?  I am not having a go or criticising.  I just worry that it might be frighteningly obvious to all exept me.

On the subject of happiness.  Do we expect to be happy all the time and if we do, have we always or is it what we want and expect now?  Is happiness fleeting and is it a negative product of the self-help era?  Does happiness come in small doses and should that be enough?  Questions to ponder on.

When I was young, there was a department store on my local high street called Evans and Davies.  Pretty sure it was an independent.  It was on two floors and they had one of those old style elavators with an old man taking it up and down.  They sold a bit of a mish-mash of things.  Crockery, linen, school uniform, lingerie, cosmetics.  Nothing that a child would be remotely interested in.  Except.  For the month of December, they would have a toy department with a Santa.  I can still remember the excitement of having something laid on just for us.  How wonderful things can be when they are brief.  Happy days!

Saw Breaking Dawn Part 2 last night.  I have a problem with the continuity.  In Twilight, the Cullens were a bit paler than the humans, but generally blended in relatively well I thought.  Clearly, after the first film, they fired the first make-up people and brought in some new ones who had a very different vision for the family.  Their eyes took on a very strange topaz colour and their skin became so deathly white, that for the following 4 films, I kept on expecting someone to walk up to them and exclaim 'Jeez man, you are so fucking white'!  On a closing note, Michael Sheen, as head of the Volturi, what a ham!

Car parks.  Is it childish of me to want to have some stickers made so that I have them to hand to put on windscreens of people that missed the part of 'how to park'  when they learnt to drive?  Instead of parking within a bay like a considerate person, they either park right on top of it or just over it, either way, stopping anyone else using that bay.  Driving the opposite way on a one way, how many signs do they need?  Then getting irate when I kindly indicate that they are driving down the wrong way.  Hmmmm, now, what to put on the stickers.  'Learn how to park you fucking dolt.'  Think that should get the message across.  In the words of the late great Kenny Everett aka Mr Angry 'oooh I'm so angry'!

I recently carried out a psychological exercise with the daughter.  We cut up bits of paper and wrote down all our past regrets on individual pieces, scrunched them up, then threw them into the fire.  The idea was that by burning your regrets, you let them go, you get rid of them and leave them in the past, where they belong.   It was fun, but seriously, it was bullshit!  Good idea but I fear only intense psychotherapy would work for me!

I have an opinion, it's not a popular one and no-one wants to hear it.  I'm not 100% sure, but I think that once one puts on a lot of weight, it's pretty much impossible to lose it and keep it off.  Whether for physical or psychological reasons, the body will constantly try to pull you back to the higher weight because it is what it now considers to be normal.