Just reading 'Learning how to say no'.  This is the advice given.  'If constantly pleasing others is making you unhappy, it's time to increase your self-worth.  Next time someone wants a favour, don't apologise or give a reason, just say 'No, I can't help you this time'.'  Do writers of self-help books actually live in the real world?  I have never in my 51 years, remember hearing anything remotely resembling such a phrase being uttered.  And while on the subject of self-help books, note to self.  STOP FUCKING READING THEM!  I am only drawn to the ones that claim to not be self-help books.  Second note to self.  THEY ARE!  I have yet to read a single one that I haven't nearly passed out from boredom half way through but plod on I do, come across a few helpful tips, think 'ooh, that's a goodie, must try and implement that one into my life', completely forget about it as soon as the book hits the charity shop, then continue to live my normal existence, flaws and all.

Never been as tempted to smash someone's face in as I was whilst shopping in my local supermarket today.  A woman in her early sixties was shopping with her elderly mother.  I'm guessing her mother may have had dementia or possibly she was just, god forbid, old.  I  saw her 3 times and each time she would speak to her in completely louder than necessary clipped tones.  'Stop touching things', 'what are you doing?', 'how many times do I have to tell you?'.  I looked after my mother when she had Alzheimers.  It is tiring, it is testing, it is exhausting, it is everything you might think it is and then some.  What it isn't is a licence to be cruel.  I was mentally begging the daughter to look at me so she could see that her behaviour had been noticed.  I know we are meant to mind our own business, to not judge, to not get involved, but........I hate myself for not having had the courage to say something.

When I started this blog, I told myself that I was never going to write about food, dieting or disordered eating but today I am.  A thought hit me yesterday.  In trying to make low fat food, meat in particular, as tasty as possible, I seem to be needing to add a whole plethora of ingredients.  Soy sauce, Worcester sauce, honey, cloves, cinnamon, herbs, condiments, you name it, it's been added.  I seem to remember my mum, who was an amazing cook, just adding a bit of salt and pepper, fresh herbs weren't as easy to come by back in the 60s and 70s and her food always tasted yum.  But here's the thing.  Meat was being sold with a bit of fat, in fact, I'm pretty sure it still is, I just don't buy it.  So what do you think?  Do you take away alot of flavour when you take away fat and what's more damaging, the fat in meat or the additives in all the sauces I am using in trying to make a chicken breast remotely palatable?

'Here is some food for thought.....We should place the elderly in prisons.  They will get a shower a day, video surveillance in case of problems, three meals a day, access to a library, computer, TV, gym, doctors on-site, free medication if needed.  Put criminals in nursing homes, they have cold meals, lights off at 7pm, two showers a week, live in a smaller rooms and pay for the privilege.  It's pretty sad that we treat prisoners better than the elderly.'  Came across this the other day and I never thought of it in quite this way before. It is truly horrific.   I was 'lucky' to find a care home for my mother where the staff couldn't have been more caring but the things I saw in other homes will stay with me forever.  A civilized society is defined by how we treat our elderly.  It really doesn't say alot about us does it?

Having recently returned from a trip to Athens, I am intrigued by how couples there are quite happy to raise children in apartments with no access to a garden when in England, no access to a green space is practically tantamount to child abuse.  Before anyone shouts 'but they've got the weather to play outside', from what I've witnessed, the children there are just as computer game obssessed as ours are.  I'm not saying we should go out of our way to deprive our children of a garden, but maybe it doesn't actually do as much damage as we think.

I hit 51 this week.  Aim for rest of life.  To purchase as little 'stuff'' as I can.  I hope to live a long life and if I do, by the end of it, I would like to leave as I arrived, just me.  Does that sound mad?  It probably does.  I don't mean it to sound hippyish or anything. Stuff you love should surround you then should be loved by others when you no longer do.  Obviously not people!  The de-cluttering quest  continues!!

Remembered this today, from the film Say Anything.  In response to being asked by Diane's (Ione Skye) father what he's going to do now that he's graduated, Lloyd (John Cusack) answers with the following.  'You mean like a career?  Uh, I don't know.  I've, I've thought about this quite a bit Sir and I'd have to say, considering what's waiting out there for me, I don't want to sell anything, buy anything or process anything as a career.  |I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed or ...process anything sold, bought or processed or repair anything sold, bought or processed, you know, as a career.  I don't want to do that.'  I hear you Lloyd!  Surely one of the best pieces of movie dialogue.  Ever.  And I really do mean, ever!

Just read a really interesting book called QUIET the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking.  Jim has a daughter who is an introvert.  If anyone comments on her quietness, his prompt reply is 'That's just her style.  Other people have different styles.  But this is hers.'  I really really like this.

Where is the logic in bringing and keeping wood in the house for our wood burners?  IT'S MEANT TO BE OUTSIDE!  Fire's are meant to be outside.  The amount of insects that now enter my house via the wood is eugh, it's so eugh.  It just aint right.  It makes no sense.

'I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.'  Rita Mae Brown.  I absolutely love this.

'Eat only when you are hungry and stop when you are full.'  I struggle with this mantra from Intuitive Eating.  If I was remotely capable of this, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Anyone that knows me even just a little bit, knows that the thing I struggle with the most in daily life is saying NO!  Came across the best three ways in dealing with this.  Saying 'I'm afraid that won't be possible', 'Oh dear, I find I'm watching TV that night' (Peter Cook - love him!) or just saying 'No' and shutting up.  Now just need to find the cajones to enforce!

Just got back from Slimming World meeting.  Going well but women crucifying themselves because they have an appetite, hating themselves  because their bodies are telling them to eat, talking about food as if they are snorting coke and it feeling like I am at an AA meeting.  Something is very very wrong.

When are governments going to get it into their thick heads that choice is not what we want?  We don't want a choice of schools, we want our local schools to be of a good standard and we don't want a choice of what hospital to spend time in, we want to be able to go in, be cared for and not get additional diseases while we are there just because people have forgotten how to clean.