The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting.  For some it's a Broadway spotlight, for others, a lamplit desk.

When did it become ok to refer to something as being 'proper good'?  Aaaaaargh!

Just paid a visit to Nat West Bank.  Wasn't eavesdropping but overheard a conversation between someone with an existing current account, trying to open an additional account and a member of staff.  He was being told that the only person who could open an account for him was fully booked with appointments all day.  Really?  I have no issue with the staff in my local branch.  They are both friendly and helpful.  It's the rules.  I mean Jesus Christ, do they want our fucking money or what?  He already had an account there, he didn't just walk off the street.  So, we are to believe that in the entire branch, there is only one person that can do this highly skilled job of opening an account whilst at the same time, they are employing a person who is standing about, just in case people need help in operating one of the machines, yay, let's get rid of one more human.  When it is possible to open an account online with other banks, why are some still treating it as if it is such a difficult task?  Shoulda made a scene!

As much as an unexpected death and not saying goodbye is awful, so is watching the demise and pain of someone you love, however gradual.

I held your hand throughout.  I wanted to climb into your bed and hold you.  I needed you to know that you were not alone, to not be frightened.  I am here Mum.  This was your time.  A lone tear, leaving the corner of your eye, stopping in the hollow.  Even in the end, your beauty, so delicate, was poetic.  'I don't think Mum's breathing anymore.'  Then that was it, all over.  No more suffering.  No more pain.  Finished.  Gone.  Except for me Mum, it isn't.  This gaping hole that just won't close and these tears that just won't stop.

Just caught Carry on Nurse on the tv and it reminded me of something that I've always thought about Hattie Jaques.  I now that she had her demons in real life but one of the things I loved about her is that in all the roles I ever saw her play, even though she was large, she never once believed that she was anything less than a one hundred per cent sexy woman.

Came across this in an interview which I really liked.  The writer Ol Parker's response when asked if he ever has a crisis of confidence.  'Show me someone who doesn't ever have a crisis of confidence and I will show you a psychopath.  You wait it out, then rise again.  You move on.'

Had a Slimming World meeting today.  It still amazes me, that with everything we now know about our warped relationship with food, that we still say 'I am being good today/I was really good today'.  What we choose to eat or not eat is not a moral issue.  There are many things that define whether we are good or not and food never was and never will be one of them.  It's long overdue for us to find a different word.

I lost weight, again, kept it off for a while, thought I had kicked the food issues, decided it was time for the much needed breast reduction.  Not a decision taken lightly, my back and shoulders were killing me.  Surgery done, pleased, shit happened, the weight piles on, again.  The boobs get bigger.  Nowhere near as big as before, but bigger nevertheless.  Today I was told 'you've put on weight and your breasts have got big again'.  What exactly am I meant to do with this information?  Is it possible that people think I haven't noticed?  Am I meant to thank them?  Why can't some people realise that they are being hurtful?  Alot of questions.  Maybe I should just snarkily say 'oh thanks'.  Or maybe I should say 'what do you expect me to say to this useful piece of information?'.  Answers on a postcard please!